To Bluebird

by Ansley Tonkovic

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Gold light

Shines through a 

crack

in the blinds

and 

Makes me think of 

you,

Makes me hate 

you.

Because 

you 

only wear black 

and 

We 

only meet at night 

and 

If they saw 

us 

in that gold, morning light

What would they think 

of

us?

So that’s why

 I’ll leave 

you,

See other people, 

Come to the quiet realization that- 

While I’m with

 them,

I’m wishing it was 

you.

Pretend I don’t look for you in those familiar places,

Pretend that I don’t scan the room to see if you’re there.

Replay every word, every joke, every moment 

Like a song I listen to 

Not because it’s good,

But because it’s nostalgic.

The only thing I have left.

Until you darken that doorway again,

With a heart-pounding knock 

And a ring on the telephone that resonates like a cathedral bell,

Which is funny because you’re an atheist.

I’m a catholic and you don’t believe in anything.

But I love you 

like my religion and my addiction,

You and your clothes still black as night,

Extinguishing that golden light that

Makes me think of you,

Makes me hate you.